I am a rebel.
I’m not here to fight.
Anyone or or anything, even me.
My rebellion is for me.
To open my eyes wide to the self-perpetuating bullshit
I’ve been feeding myself.
I fight for me.
For my possibilities.
My own knowing.
For the existence of a future where I simply get to be.
Any list where I have put my name at the bottom,
I now not only include me,
But put my name right at the fucking top.
I allow myself to be a priority in my own world.
I know that I am the only one that can put me there.
And no external validation, experience,
or resource can fulfil my cravings better than me.
I know that feeling good is the side effect of choosing me.
I also acknowledge, that choosing me as a priority,
Does not put me in competition with anyone or anything.
In fact, me choosing me, includes them too.
I know there is no “Us against Them.”
I’m not here to perpetuate the conflict.
I am here to be present with nuance.
I choose to create this world whether anyone else can choose it or not.
I know there is zero “chance” of me being here alive on the planet today.
I am here by choice.
I am valuable, not because of what I produce,
but by what I choose.
And with that choice,
I know that I need to create my own world,
Or I will not enjoy the result that being passive creates.
I reserve the right (and power) to change,
And to go beyond the choices I have made – at any time.
I cannot promise to be the same.
I cannot promise consistency.
If you meet me in the future – that being will be different.
If you knew me in the past – that being will also differ.
And if I am in the “in-between times”,
I embrace the frustration, the awkwardness, the fuckery of my head.
And I choose to love the process of change anyway.
I grudgingly know that getting vulnerable and messy is annoyingly important.
And that overstressing, overworking and overdoing is how to kill all possibilities immediately.
My homing signal for change is “Fuck off” and or “Fuck you”
And I know I can create something better.
I go beyond what isn’t serving me.
Even if I linger in choices, in beautiful memory.
I know each choice has an expiry date.
And I destroy accordingly.
I acknowledge where I am at,
and what I be in each moment.
All over the place.
– Without limits.
And even if I err and dishonour myself,
I return to adoring, caring, nurturing, enjoying me when I can.
I be what I crave.
I know that what I create matters.
And I always know what to do. (Even if I deny it)
Everything I need, is already created, waiting for me to select it.
It’s not always comfortable,
I can’t help it, and I definitely don’t always like it.
But I am a rebel.