I recently ended a 10 year relationship with an affirmation I’ve been saying. It was presented as a more realistic, more inclusive affirmation above all others.

It was considered better.
But as I enter a different headspace, I saw all the toxic ways myself and others were using this affirmation.

To brush off how I feel in that moment.
To deny or block out any specific desire I had.
To wash over the top of any concerns I had in the moment, a thin veneer of calm.
To say something to myself instead of the thing I really needed to say.
To say something light and breezy to others instead of to be with them in their uncomfortable moment.
To validate when something that sucked did show up in my world, because you know, it’s all inclusive!

Bit of a shitty list? All from one sentence.
I think we forget the power of the tools we use, and the directions they can take us.

I’m currently re-examining all of my tools to see what’s the harm, what’s the contribution, and what part does it okay in my world now.

It’s eye-opening to say the least, how much I have used personal development as a distraction from just being myself. I use to spend my days monitoring my thoughts for “taboos” I had created or been told. And any time a “taboo” would show up, I’d use personal development tools to process it until it disappeared.

This is an exhausting and energy consuming practice. I’ve since realised, it’s much simpler, economic, and healthier just to sit with myself and be with whatever is going on without changing it.

This is not easy.
But I do recommend it, if you’ve been busy changing yourself every day like I have.

So back to the affirmation. I’ve written myself a new list. It doesn’t include anything I’m not, it doesn’t say things like “I am always calm”. Because that’s not realistic or even helpful.

But it is full of reminders to let myself be, to acknowledge the strengths I already have, and the priorities I choose.

If you get anything from reading this, I invite you to look at your own tools, and make up your own new ones if the ones you currently have are no longer serving you.

I’ll leave you with three of mine right now:

I can do hard things.
I act my worth.
I make waves, courageously.